The Piano - a self portrait project
TW: SA, SH
The Piano no.1
The Piano is a personal project exploring the coexistence of dissociation and lucidity that can occur during traumatic events. Through the assembly of individual unclean piano keys, this series processes my own experience of sexual assault, marrying conflicting feelings such as the desire to be used whilst feeling deeply ashamed, as well as simultaneously feeling helpless and having true mental clarity in the moment. In this black of white space inspired by the keys of a piano, this work poses the question of recognition and visibility.
In this entry, I would like to share my intentions behind each photo.
In this first image, I felt it important to have a contextual shot to place us in this work’s world. I ordered the keys sequentially but felt it was important to not line them up perfectly. This work lives in a slightly chaotic, delicate and dirty space, reflected in the keys and floor. I feel this image introduces us aptly.
The Piano no.2
No.2 focuses in on a close crop of the body. Piano keys are placed precariously across the breasts so that the chest beneath becomes drenched in their shadows. At first glance it may not seem clear that there is a body in this image, further highlighting the disembodied and dissociative feeling that occurs due to trauma. Suggesting a feeling of being buried under the weight of the keys, the composition poses an anxiety that the keys may collapse and fall to the ground at any moment, from any slight movement. This mirrors that teetering feeling so often felt in dangerous situations, encouraging us to hold our breaths to prevent volatility.
The Piano no.3 & 4
Channelling the loss of sight of self, these images delicately try to hold the pieces together when one has been psychologically fragmented. Fragmentation is a psychological trauma response that splits the self into separate, non-integrated parts in order to protect the psyche. Specifically, image no.4 — which mirrors the form of a skirt — challenges the idea that what women choose to wear has a direct impact on whether they deserve to be sexual assaulted, and the misguided responsibility that many women feel because of this.
The Piano no.5
No.5 depicts an energetic scene through the use of motion blur, exploring the transient feeling that can be felt during traumatic events. This piece explores the duality of such moments by keeping only the central keys in focus; the chaos and stillness, the fading away of self (expressed through motion blur of the face) and the loss of control. During these instances, time can be felt to move both rapidly and slowly.
The Piano no.6 & 7
Specifically pulling from a personal experience, this diptych highlights the betraying of my own body in pursuit of hurt. A common experience in sexual assault survivors is the desire to seek out additional harm in similar ways to the initial assault. This is our brain’s attempt to rewrite the past but unfortunately can lead to self harm through sex, reckless behaviour and further trauma. By turning the piano keys on myself, I am communicating the offering up of my body from my own hands.
The Piano no.8
No.8 is the culmination of this series of work. Firmly in its black and white space, the suggestive arching of the back suggests there is a more nuance to be found in these experiences. Different levels of severity in assault and abuse, different long term effects, confusing behaviours - ultimately, they are all valid experiences and reactions to traumatic events that changed the survivors forever. There is no such thing as a perfect victim and this piece attempts to ask the viewer if that matters.
The eye contact found in this image also acts as a direct line to perpetrators. By laying the body bare, this is not an invitation to use it but an invitation to see it for what it is — a vessel for the soul, flawed and human — and how they have misused it.
Limited edition prints of The Piano No.8 are now available here.